Bear vs. Man — a hard lesson on Threads
We’ve all stumbled upon the “Bear vs. Man in the Forest” debate that’s sweeping social media. It spotlights the grim reality of women’s day-to-day safety concerns. Here’s the dilemma:
“As a woman, would you rather take a path with a bear on it or one with a man?”
Women would say, “Take me to the bear!” It’s a no-brainer. We’re #TeamBear, and no, we’re not debating bear breeds here — that’s missing the point entirely. Witty quips have surfaced like, “At least the bear sees us as humans.” Essentially, this has become a litmus test for men to gauge their understanding of women’s safety concerns. And just to be clear, I’m squarely in the bear’s corner because, let’s face it, women just don’t experience physical safety like most men do.
A real man would obviously fight the bear. I’m kidding — please don’t go picking fights with wildlife; it won’t end well for you.
Let me tell you about my fuck up and further evidence of my male privilege (as if I need to show it any more).
I don’t hang out on TikTok or Twitter, and my Instagram hasn’t shown me the dark depths of this debate. So, I was enjoying Threads — a generally positive platform. But then, I stumbled upon a comment tearing down men in the whole “bear vs. man” discourse, and my reaction was, “Oh great, another anti-men tirade.” So, I chimed in with my not-so-popular opinion:
“unpopular opinion: the “bear vs man” dialogue is yet another example on how the internet quickly subscribes to villainize men vs discuss how we can create safe spaces for men’s emotional safety and to develop emotional intelligence”
Boy, did I stir the pot. I still believe there’s a valid point there — the root of men not understanding women’s lack of safety is a deficit in emotional intelligence. Sure, we need to address systemic issues, but that’s a conversation for another day.
What caught me off guard (nervous male-privilege smile) were the hostile, downright toxic reactions from some men who disagreed with the correct “bear” answer. Machismo was on full display, and, thanks to my male privilege, I was blind to it. My Thread was insensitive and overshadowed the ongoing issue of men behaving terribly online in response to this dilemma. It also detracted from the broader discussion about women’s safety.
While trying to shed light on why men might lack empathy, people thought I was defending the indefensible. And frankly, I was so caught up in being right that I didn’t want to accept I had made a mistake. Only when I was confronted with examples of the toxic comments did I realize my blunder. And honestly, I’m sorry for taking up space from such a critical discussion. Meanwhile, I think I’ll just carve out a third path in the forest, and quietly stroll down it — alone.
Nonetheless, for men, here are some great resources on emotional intelligence and men’s wellness (that I clearly need to revisit).
Catch y’all later in the next blunder.
